DOES SADNESS REALLY FLY AWAY

 

DOES SADNESS REALLY FLY AWAY

Sadness flies away on the wings of time- Jean De la Fontaine

I came across this sentence a few days back. It really intrigued me. It was sending hope yet I knew of situations that saddened the heart irrespective of time. It was full of positivity, yet I had experienced the negativity of sad situations again and again, irrespective of time. I wondered if sadness really flew away on the wings of time.

I had always felt that time just blunts the cutting edge of sadness and replaces intense pain with bearable pain. It never flies away, always leaving your heart with that deep heaviness where sadness sits on heavy bottoms, moving just ever so slightly to allow a trickle of happiness to jostle for space in an already overcrowded heart.

 There are sad moments that disturb us and there are sad events that destroy us. The sad moments remain floating and their lightness gives them the effortless ability to fly away from our hearts with time. It is the sad events in our life that settle down in the deep recesses of our heart, never to leave. It’s crucial to understand the difference to lead a life of acceptance of the burden of sadness.

Losing a dear one or a young member of the family suddenly is always devastating. In a split second it uproots the entire family tearing the fabric to shreds. It’s not just the suddenness of loss, it’s also about the inability to comprehend the future. Life stops acutely and the wheels running smoothly brake with a deafening sound that tears the ear drums causing a deathly silence of that dark event. The vision is clouded and the mind gets numbed beyond words. You walk in a daze unable to make sense of anything that formed your routine. Is it easy for this extremely devastating sadness to ever fly away?

Experts working on grief and bereavement have analyzed the grief and bereavement period classifying it into four stages. The last stage is about acceptance. Eventually after going through the phases of disbelief, anger and guilt of having lost the loved one, the person begins to accept the situation. Time is the greatest healer they say. With time, the intensity of sadness starts to blunt on its edges and the jagged margins of memories hurt less than before. Time and acceptance help to look at the memories of the lost one with a new vision. Eyes blur less and heart cries a little less. Physical expression of hurt lessens and an occasional smile replaces the memory.

All this happens over decades and that one life we have gets scarred with deep sadness. Many of those who are left behind lose a lifetime in coming to terms with the reality that just swept them away from a normal life. Sadness takes a real long time to get washed away and, in this situation, it also leaves behind imprints that are hard to clean.

Extreme sadness can come knocking in many other forms and shapes. Sadness that destroys the fabric of our lives and can overnight ruin the happy pace that we have gotten used to. Broken relationships, divorce, accidents, court and police cases, online -offline frauds, losing reputation and standing in the society can all bring that unspeakable sadness that adds to the weight of the burdened heart.

Illnesses of loved ones, humiliation at work place, inability to bear pressures of life or work, stress from relationships, broken hearts and broken bones, breach of trust, cheating, financial losses, failure in businesses, strained family ties, natural calamities that wash away home and hearth, all account for those moments when things can get unbearable and cause a deep pain in the heart.

 Many of these tragedies take away all that we have or have collected over years of hard work for a secure future. Often, thoughts of ending the problem by ending the life cross the mind, some weaker minds even going ahead with it. Often, despair and depression cloud the rational thinking. Darkness envelopes the mind and the tunnel seem to have no proverbial light at its end.

However, one must never forget that in face of greater tragedies, these are the floating sad events that only time will erase and hopefully, will one day fly away on its wings. Most of the problems we encounter, most of the difficult situations we face seem to hold us in their tight angry squeeze, will loosen with time. Eventually, the sharpness of the difficulty will blunt away and the pain will fade away leaving little evidence of the hurt it has caused.

There is no such a problem that does not come with a solution, albeit it can make one compromise the routine or change tracks. The human body and mind are well equipped with so much strength as to handle any of these distractions and fill the heart with happiness again. There is no such a bad situation that eventually does not fade away into the horizon. With a mad rush to survive in this fast-paced world, most of us lose the ability to tackle pressure head on. Many a times we forget to see our inner strength and beauty. Even small ups and downs can appear colossal and stop us in our tracks. They can break us because we have forgotten to harness our inner strength.

The energy of youth and the skills of the adulthood are lost in the maze of fear of failure and hurt. The helplessness and hopelessness of the situations arise because we have lost the confidence in ourselves.

What seems impossible is just another problem with multiple possibilities of opportunities. A change of business or a job, re-establishing communication with the person that has hurt you or simply moving on, slowly rebuilding life after calamities or financial losses are all a sure possibility with time, faith, family, friends and determination.

It's often forgotten that none of these problems can take away our ability to work our way to the top again. The bottomless pit where one finds oneself in such a situation is not bottomless at all. The tunnel is dark but we must believe that there is light somewhere. Slowly and steadily, we can crawl up from the bottom into light again. Our precious life and our inner resolve must be kept alive to pull us up.

The despairing situations always remind me of a fable. The story of the king who was so despaired in face of defeat that he felt his life was useless. It was an old uneducated simpleton who gave a ring to the king embossed with the words “this too shall pass” to be seen in utterly hopeless situations. 

Just as Jean De la Fontaine has said, sadness will fly away.

Very rightly, it is profound, it is full of hope and guides us through those difficult times which at that point seem permanent and endless.

We forget that this too shall pass.

We forget that we have the ability to allow it to fly away.

On wings of time.

Dr. REINA KHADILKAR