DOES SADNESS REALLY FLY AWAY
Sadness flies away on the wings of time- Jean De la Fontaine
I
came across this sentence a few days back. It really intrigued me. It was
sending hope yet I knew of situations that saddened the heart irrespective of
time. It was full of positivity, yet I had experienced the negativity of sad
situations again and again, irrespective of time. I wondered if sadness really
flew away on the wings of time.
I
had always felt that time just blunts the cutting edge of sadness and replaces
intense pain with bearable pain. It never flies away, always leaving your heart
with that deep heaviness where sadness sits on heavy bottoms, moving just ever
so slightly to allow a trickle of happiness to jostle for space in an already
overcrowded heart.
There are sad moments that disturb us and
there are sad events that destroy us. The sad moments remain floating and their
lightness gives them the effortless ability to fly away from our hearts with
time. It is the sad events in our life that settle down in the deep recesses of
our heart, never to leave. It’s crucial to understand the difference to lead a
life of acceptance of the burden of sadness.
Losing
a dear one or a young member of the family suddenly is always devastating. In a
split second it uproots the entire family tearing the fabric to shreds. It’s
not just the suddenness of loss, it’s also about the inability to comprehend the
future. Life stops acutely and the wheels running smoothly brake with a
deafening sound that tears the ear drums causing a deathly silence of that dark
event. The vision is clouded and the mind gets numbed beyond words. You walk in
a daze unable to make sense of anything that formed your routine. Is it easy
for this extremely devastating sadness to ever fly away?
Experts
working on grief and bereavement have analyzed the grief and bereavement period
classifying it into four stages. The last stage is about acceptance. Eventually
after going through the phases of disbelief, anger and guilt of having lost the
loved one, the person begins to accept the situation. Time is the greatest
healer they say. With time, the intensity of sadness starts to blunt on its
edges and the jagged margins of memories hurt less than before. Time and
acceptance help to look at the memories of the lost one with a new vision. Eyes
blur less and heart cries a little less. Physical expression of hurt lessens
and an occasional smile replaces the memory.
All
this happens over decades and that one life we have gets scarred with deep
sadness. Many of those who are left behind lose a lifetime in coming to terms
with the reality that just swept them away from a normal life. Sadness takes a
real long time to get washed away and, in this situation, it also leaves behind
imprints that are hard to clean.
Extreme
sadness can come knocking in many other forms and shapes. Sadness that destroys
the fabric of our lives and can overnight ruin the happy pace that we have gotten
used to. Broken relationships, divorce, accidents, court and police cases,
online -offline frauds, losing reputation and standing in the society can all
bring that unspeakable sadness that adds to the weight of the burdened heart.
Illnesses
of loved ones, humiliation at work place, inability to bear pressures of life
or work, stress from relationships, broken hearts and broken bones, breach of
trust, cheating, financial losses, failure in businesses, strained family ties,
natural calamities that wash away home and hearth, all account for those
moments when things can get unbearable and cause a deep pain in the heart.
Many of these tragedies take away all that we
have or have collected over years of hard work for a secure future. Often,
thoughts of ending the problem by ending the life cross the mind, some weaker
minds even going ahead with it. Often, despair and depression cloud the
rational thinking. Darkness envelopes the mind and the tunnel seem to have no
proverbial light at its end.
However,
one must never forget that in face of greater tragedies, these are the floating
sad events that only time will erase and hopefully, will one day fly away on its
wings. Most of the problems we encounter, most of the difficult situations we
face seem to hold us in their tight angry squeeze, will loosen with time.
Eventually, the sharpness of the difficulty will blunt away and the pain will
fade away leaving little evidence of the hurt it has caused.
There
is no such a problem that does not come with a solution, albeit it can make one
compromise the routine or change tracks. The human body and mind are well
equipped with so much strength as to handle any of these distractions and fill
the heart with happiness again. There is no such a bad situation that
eventually does not fade away into the horizon. With a mad rush to survive in
this fast-paced world, most of us lose the ability to tackle pressure head on.
Many a times we forget to see our inner strength and beauty. Even small ups and
downs can appear colossal and stop us in our tracks. They can break us because
we have forgotten to harness our inner strength.
The
energy of youth and the skills of the adulthood are lost in the maze of fear of
failure and hurt. The helplessness and hopelessness of the situations arise
because we have lost the confidence in ourselves.
What
seems impossible is just another problem with multiple possibilities of
opportunities. A change of business or a job, re-establishing communication
with the person that has hurt you or simply moving on, slowly rebuilding life
after calamities or financial losses are all a sure possibility with time,
faith, family, friends and determination.
It's
often forgotten that none of these problems can take away our ability to work
our way to the top again. The bottomless pit where one finds oneself in such a
situation is not bottomless at all. The tunnel is dark but we must believe that
there is light somewhere. Slowly and steadily, we can crawl up from the bottom
into light again. Our precious life and our inner resolve must be kept alive to
pull us up.
The despairing situations always remind me of a fable. The story of the king who was so despaired in face of defeat that he felt his life was useless. It was an old uneducated simpleton who gave a ring to the king embossed with the words “this too shall pass” to be seen in utterly hopeless situations.
Just as Jean De la Fontaine has said, sadness
will fly away.
Very
rightly, it is profound, it is full of hope and guides us through those difficult
times which at that point seem permanent and endless.
We
forget that this too shall pass.
We
forget that we have the ability to allow it to fly away.
On wings of time.
Dr.
REINA KHADILKAR
