LET'S TALK

LET’S TALK

This is an attempt at awareness to the WHO theme 0f 2017- ‘Depression- Let’s Talk’

 ‘I feel the sand in the sand –clock is falling fast and I have led a worthless life’

‘The bad turns we took in our life, the decisions gone wrong were all my fault. I have managed to spoil your life’

‘What have I achieved in life, nothing! I am just a useless housewife sitting at home all my life, spending someone else’s hard-earned money on myself’

‘This project too failed. I am finished’

'My parents want me to become a doctor but I can't cope up with the stress of studies'

'He\she doesn't love me anymore. I have lost the reason to live'

'I have struggled so hard, yet cannot find work. This life is worthless"

‘I have failed’

                                 Often we have heard someone say that or heard these thoughts in the deep recess of our heart. There are moments in our life when dark clouds gather, gloom descends faster than a river rapid, the light at the end of the tunnel gets switched off suddenly and we find ourselves staring at hopelessness.  The end in sight disappears, hope vanishes into thin air and the heart gets crushed under a ton of bricks.

                                Life is never a smooth ride. Infact, the struggle begins so early in life. The little toddler must get into the best of school. So he is pushed to learn even before he can talk, he is made to realise that this event in his life is a matter of life and death and the pressure is on. Expectations are laid out and the race begins. It's not just about urban living, the rural atmosphere too is equally or a little less, but competitive. The pace maybe slow but the need to push the child for a better life finds its way in every home, irrespective of its setting. Children grow up believing that they have to live up to the expectations and also expecting a certain level of life that comes with fulfilment of these.

                              We go through the rigmarole of life,  forever struggling to reach that boundary where the line of expectations is drawn. Not all of us can reach there. Sometimes the faultline meets us in our childhood, sometimes in youth and many a times in our adulthood which is marked with struggles as one comes face to face with the real world, unprotected, naked and lonely. Whatever the reason and whichever the phase of life, if the faultline crosses our path, we find ourselves lonely, scared and without the only thing that allows us to go ahead-hope.  A sense of desolation engulfs us, darkness envelopes us and the fear of having lost encroaches on our existence making us run to the only option available. Giving it up!

                           It's not just the big defeats that drive people to the edge of the cliff. Betrayal, greed, lack of appreciation, humiliation, breaking of relationships and hearts, unexplained insinuations and unfulfilled dreams can drive a person to the end of the horizon. Failure in exams is often co-related with failure to stand up to the expectations of parents, peers or self. The failure is magnified by the sacrifice the parents have made to 'see you through this'. A feeling of having let them down crushes the young heart to steep levels of depression. Heart-break is another major reason why people lose their ability to live anymore. What is it in the heart that breaks, I often wonder. The feeling of love releases those chemicals that makes one feel ecstatic, delirious, plain happy and often helpless without that person. Our life revolves around that person and our existence is marked by the foot-prints of that person. We all go through this beautiful feeling but also have learnt to balance it out with reality. Some cannot distance themselves from that intense involvement and the heat of a break-up singes their life.

                       Hyper-sensitive minds feel the pressure of life when the real world destroys their imaginary world of do-gooders and all things straight. The thorns that need to be picked as one traverses the rough path of life prick the tender delicate hearts bleeding them beyond repair. These are not weak minds, they are just overtly perceptive and sensitive to the world around them. They are not misfits but find themselves unable to fit in the societal norms. Inequalities of life can hurt just as much as injustices of the world. Slowly and insidiously, the self-loathing occupies the waking mind, negative thoughts rule the heart and hopelessness becomes all-encompassing. (Perceived) Failure at academics, failure at work, failure at keeping relationships intact, failure at achievements at par with expectations, failure of reaching that ‘all pervasive deadline’ or in some instances, even too much of everything creates a vague vacuum of emptiness eventually hurtling the person down into the bottomless abyss called ‘depression’.

                     As the anaconda of depression gradually tightens around the person suffocating his mind and body, he/she loses interest in the very purpose of life. The eyes lose their shine and the face loses its lustre. A vague sadness persists in every moment that person manages to go ahead and routine becomes a painful task. There is a feeling of despondency and rejection by none other than life itself. The disease makes one question your ability to survive the struggle ahead.  It’s all dark around and the only light the person can see is the light beyond this life.

                     It’s really sad that in spite of having born with the same blessing of life, this one person has to go through so much hatred for that very thing we take for granted. But hope can be brought back by the skin of the tooth if people around this person stop running the race of life and pause to see if all the loved ones in their world are walking at the same pace, holding hands and tackling the struggle for survival chin-up together! The signs are there; the symptoms may be overt but can be felt if our eyes are perceptive enough for our loved ones and the silent foot-steps of this dreaded mental strike can be heard loud and clear if our ears are listening.

                      As parents, as close relatives, as friends we all know each other well enough to understand subtle behavioral changes. Only we don’t seem to have the time for recognising them or we bury our heads like the proverbial ostrich and wish the problem away. Depression needs treatment, but most of all it needs to be recognised and accepted as a disease of the mind that requires therapy and can be cured. We can do this if we have the bonds strong enough to hold each other as we walk the difficult path of life. We can do this if we understand and appreciate the fact that all of us who are together in this journey don’t walk with the same pace. To use a cliché, we need to understand that although we are one hand, each finger is of a different size and shape. For the hand to function properly, the fingers need to come together and stay together. Each one of us is fulfilling the purpose of our life, struggling hard to stay afloat and make the most of each moment we have. But in all this we also have the purpose of keeping all our loved ones together.

                         WHO has declared the theme of the World Health day-2017 as ‘Depression-Let’s Talk’. With the increasing number of senseless suicides, loss of young and old lives to a treatable mental condition like this, it has become imperative to put the focus on how each one of us can help. We need to create such bonds that are based on easy communication, love, trust and faith in each other, bonds that will create a level of comfort for the sufferer and the listener. The communication can be from either side, either the sufferer will open up or the listener will inquire. Whichever way it happens, it’s a win-win situation. Opening up the dammed feelings, pouring out the trash of heaped up negative thoughts, and getting the courage to hear your own words about the pent up hateful and self-deprecating thoughts will cleanse the mind and help fresh air to flow in. A new lease of life gets handed over and a fresh breath of hope filters in the uncluttered mind. Expert management and counselling adds to the surety of getting well but the beginning needs to be made by people who surround the hapless sufferer.

                          I am not an expert in psychiatric diseases but having gone through the stresses of survival, seen the bottomless lows that the ride takes you to, felt pain and sensitivity to the changing world, experienced the eccentricities of human behaviour and  having seen the edge of the cliff, I  found supreme comfort in words that flow out of my heart carrying all the heavy metals with them, I can surely say, “let’s talk”. Truly cathartic, comforting and healing.

It’s the difference between life and lifelessness, sometimes even death!

(Note-  The blog is intended to create awareness regarding the theme of WHO for 2017 and also to bring home the fact that we are all existing  in a pressure cooker and must find a way together to release the steam together to find peace, purpose and happiness at the end of the rainbow)