LET’S TALK
This is an attempt
at awareness to the WHO theme 0f 2017- ‘Depression- Let’s Talk’
‘I feel the sand in
the sand –clock is falling fast and I have led a worthless life’
‘The bad turns we took in our life, the decisions gone wrong
were all my fault. I have managed to spoil your life’
‘What have I achieved in life, nothing! I am just a useless housewife
sitting at home all my life, spending someone else’s hard-earned money on
myself’
‘This project too failed. I am finished’
'My parents want me to become a doctor but I can't cope up
with the stress of studies'
'He\she doesn't love me anymore. I have lost the reason to
live'
'I have struggled so hard, yet cannot find work. This life
is worthless"
‘I have failed’
Often we have heard someone say that or heard these thoughts
in the deep recess of our heart. There are moments in our life when dark clouds
gather, gloom descends faster than a river rapid, the light at the end of the
tunnel gets switched off suddenly and we find ourselves staring at hopelessness.
The end in sight disappears, hope
vanishes into thin air and the heart gets crushed under a ton of bricks.
Life is never a smooth ride. Infact, the struggle begins so
early in life. The little toddler must get into the best of school. So he is pushed
to learn even before he can talk, he is made to realise that this event in his
life is a matter of life and death and the pressure is on. Expectations are
laid out and the race begins. It's not just about urban living, the rural
atmosphere too is equally or a little less, but competitive. The pace maybe
slow but the need to push the child for a better life finds its way in every
home, irrespective of its setting. Children grow up believing that they have to
live up to the expectations and also expecting a certain level of life that
comes with fulfilment of these.
We go through the rigmarole of life, forever struggling to reach that boundary
where the line of expectations is drawn. Not all of us can reach there.
Sometimes the faultline meets us in our childhood, sometimes in youth and many
a times in our adulthood which is marked with struggles as one comes face to
face with the real world, unprotected, naked and lonely. Whatever the reason
and whichever the phase of life, if the faultline crosses our path, we find
ourselves lonely, scared and without the only thing that allows us to go
ahead-hope. A sense of desolation
engulfs us, darkness envelopes us and the fear of having lost encroaches on our
existence making us run to the only option available. Giving it up!
It's not just the big defeats that drive people to the edge
of the cliff. Betrayal, greed, lack of appreciation, humiliation, breaking of
relationships and hearts, unexplained insinuations and unfulfilled dreams can
drive a person to the end of the horizon. Failure in exams is often co-related
with failure to stand up to the expectations of parents, peers or self. The
failure is magnified by the sacrifice the parents have made to 'see you through
this'. A feeling of having let them down crushes the young heart to steep
levels of depression. Heart-break is another major reason why people lose their
ability to live anymore. What is it in the heart that breaks, I often wonder.
The feeling of love releases those chemicals that makes one feel ecstatic,
delirious, plain happy and often helpless without that person. Our life
revolves around that person and our existence is marked by the foot-prints of
that person. We all go through this beautiful feeling but also have learnt to
balance it out with reality. Some cannot distance themselves from that intense
involvement and the heat of a break-up singes their life.
Hyper-sensitive minds feel the pressure of life when the
real world destroys their imaginary world of do-gooders and all things
straight. The thorns that need to be picked as one traverses the rough path of
life prick the tender delicate hearts bleeding them beyond repair. These are
not weak minds, they are just overtly perceptive and sensitive to the world
around them. They are not misfits but find themselves unable to fit in the
societal norms. Inequalities of life can hurt just as much as injustices of the
world. Slowly and insidiously, the self-loathing occupies the waking mind,
negative thoughts rule the heart and hopelessness becomes all-encompassing.
(Perceived) Failure at academics, failure at work, failure at keeping
relationships intact, failure at achievements at par with expectations, failure
of reaching that ‘all pervasive deadline’ or in some instances, even too much
of everything creates a vague vacuum of emptiness eventually hurtling the
person down into the bottomless abyss called ‘depression’.
As the anaconda of depression gradually tightens around the
person suffocating his mind and body, he/she loses interest in the very purpose
of life. The eyes lose their shine and the face loses its lustre. A vague
sadness persists in every moment that person manages to go ahead and routine
becomes a painful task. There is a feeling of despondency and rejection by none
other than life itself. The disease makes one question your ability to survive
the struggle ahead. It’s all dark around
and the only light the person can see is the light beyond this life.
It’s really sad that in spite of having born with the same
blessing of life, this one person has to go through so much hatred for that
very thing we take for granted. But hope can be brought back by the skin of the tooth if people around this person stop running the race of life and pause to
see if all the loved ones in their world are walking at the same pace, holding
hands and tackling the struggle for survival chin-up together! The signs are there;
the symptoms may be overt but can be felt if our eyes are perceptive enough for
our loved ones and the silent foot-steps of this dreaded mental strike can be
heard loud and clear if our ears are listening.
As parents, as close relatives, as friends we all know each
other well enough to understand subtle behavioral changes. Only we don’t seem
to have the time for recognising them or we bury our heads like the proverbial
ostrich and wish the problem away. Depression needs treatment, but most of all
it needs to be recognised and accepted as a disease of the mind that requires
therapy and can be cured. We can do this if we have the bonds strong enough to
hold each other as we walk the difficult path of life. We can do this if we
understand and appreciate the fact that all of us who are together in this
journey don’t walk with the same pace. To use a cliché, we need to understand
that although we are one hand, each finger is of a different size and shape.
For the hand to function properly, the fingers need to come together and stay
together. Each one of us is fulfilling the purpose of our life, struggling hard
to stay afloat and make the most of each moment we have. But in all this we
also have the purpose of keeping all our loved ones together.
WHO has declared the theme of the World Health day-2017 as
‘Depression-Let’s Talk’. With the increasing number of senseless suicides, loss
of young and old lives to a treatable mental condition like this, it has become
imperative to put the focus on how each one of us can help. We need to create
such bonds that are based on easy communication, love, trust and faith in each
other, bonds that will create a level of comfort for the sufferer and the
listener. The communication can be from either side, either the sufferer will
open up or the listener will inquire. Whichever way it happens, it’s a
win-win situation. Opening up the dammed feelings, pouring out the trash of
heaped up negative thoughts, and getting the courage to hear your own words
about the pent up hateful and self-deprecating thoughts will cleanse the mind
and help fresh air to flow in. A new lease of life gets handed over and a fresh
breath of hope filters in the uncluttered mind. Expert management and
counselling adds to the surety of getting well but the beginning needs to be
made by people who surround the hapless sufferer.
I am not an expert in psychiatric diseases but having gone
through the stresses of survival, seen the bottomless lows that the ride takes you to, felt pain and sensitivity to the changing world, experienced the eccentricities of human behaviour and having seen the edge of the cliff, I found supreme comfort in words that flow out of my heart carrying all the
heavy metals with them, I can surely say, “let’s talk”. Truly cathartic, comforting and healing.
It’s the difference between life and lifelessness, sometimes
even death!
(Note- The blog is intended to create awareness regarding the
theme of WHO for 2017 and also to bring home the fact that we are all
existing in a pressure cooker and must
find a way together to release the steam together to find peace, purpose and happiness at
the end of the rainbow)
