I DON'T LIKE
MYSELF
I don't like
myself-
When i
forget to thank the Lord for showing me a new sunrise, happy to be awake to
witness yet another day to start my routine.
I don't like
myself-
When I take
this day for granted, going about it without pausing even once to realize that
it’s a gift to have seen the sunrise, to have awakened to yet another day, yet
another addition to the days gone-by in this one life span.
When I am
thankless about every breath I take, unmindful of the importance of my ability
to suck in the air that will keep me alive.
When I
forget the value of the day that has dawned in my life and casually go about it as ‘just another
day’
I don’t like
myself-
When I allow
anger to flow through my veins, as I rush through the day, impatient at people
who cannot match my speed.
When I allow
rage to be a part of the road I travel, gesticulating with angry expressions
and expletives behind closed glass windows or sometimes open to the air,
breathing out fumes of exasperation and anger at not being allowed to cross a
hurdle in the form of a slow driver or a careful one in my mad rush to get from
one place to another.
When I bark
irrelevant dis-respectful words to a stranger I have never met just because for
that moment that stranger has cut my speed, prevented me from going ahead full
throttle on a road choc-a-block with strangers rushing to catch their daily
grind.
When I
shatter the silence of the whirring traffic, blaring that sound of impatience
in my hunger to speed ahead of the rest of the world that is moving in the
speed not conducive to my idea of speed.
When I break
all the rules of traffic, arrogantly believing in my power to get out of any
situation, endangering the life of innocent travelers, and often mine too.
I don’t like
myself-
When I take
my body for granted.
When I abuse
my body, drive it to its endpoint as I rush forward chasing my dreams,
unmindful of the physical harm I am causing to myself.
When I load
my body with toxic fluids and unhealthy food giving in again and again to the
cravings of my tongue.
When I break
my own resolutions of keeping my health in check, and keeping my muscles strong
and keeping my heart healthy.
When I
conveniently find reasons to skip the exercise regime .
When I
convince myself that I need that precious sleep more than I need to get out of
the inviting warm bed even as dawn breaks over,urging me to move towards good
health.
When I
ignore signs of ill-health, more out of fear of finding a disease growing,
closing my eyes and mind and wishing it away or when I worry to death about
health problems that are not there, scared that the end is near and rush from
one doctor to another, spending sleepless nights and hard earned money on digging
out my non-existent problem.
When I
ignore the signs of a tired body, throw caution to the wind and carry on,
anyway!
I don't like
myself -
When I allow
technology to rule my life rather than me dictating terms so that my life
becomes easier.
When I
succumb to the fascinating yet addicting aspects of technology and allow myself
to be held captive by it.
When I bury
myself deep in the virtual social world, gradually isolating myself from the
real one, losing real friends for virtual ones and breaking away from real
relationships to build unseen and unknown bonds that don't matter.
When I
choose not to believe scientific data that confirms health hazards of too much
of gadgetry, blaming my lack of concentration or insomnia to the struggles of
routine rather than the micro-waves that are hurting my brain.
When I move
away from reality, scared of embracing newer technology, hard of understanding
the computer or the internet world, worried that my time for learning is way
past and shut my eyes and ears to the ways that have got the world closer.
When I pride
in being 'technologically handicapped', knowing fully well the consequences of
falling behind.
I don't like
myself-
When I lack integrity and honesty in my work.
When I cut
corners to fit a square in a circle.
When I
continue to hang on to older methods of doing my work, compromising on the
quality and advantage of better service to people who come to me with trust and
hope.
When I lose
humility about my knowledge and my ability to do my work, looking down with
contempt and disgust at less-abled co-workers.
When I start
believing that my knowledge and my skill is my slave and I have learnt all that
is there to learn.
When I
believe that I can do no wrong.
I don’t like
myself-
When I allow
my mind to wander in the jungle where beasts live, gorging on misunderstandings
and misinformation that create a whirlpool of negativity, filling my mind with
anger and hatred.
When I allow
my mind to wallow in despair and despondency, blaming my failures on others, causing
agony not just to me but the people around me who love me.
When I
become judgmental about a person or an event based on the raw thoughts that
have been fed to me or that I have allowed my mind to believe.
When I allow
myself to dislike someone or break away from a bond just because I believe I
was wronged, not knowing what has happened on the other side.
When I
clutter my mind with senseless opinions given by people who don’t matter and
bear the heaviness and the pain of carrying that heavy cluttered mind.
When I break
a relationship for no reason that my sensible mind can fathom, bearing the pain
of that wound and inflicting that other heart with a bleeding deep cut.
When I make
opinions on trivial situations about people I have hardly met or know.
When I fill
my mind with hatred and anger for someone who has wronged me without giving
myself time to heal or that person, time to explain.
When I wish
things don’t work out well for someone who has hurt me.
When I don't
pause to think if I have hurt someone, knowingly or unknowingly.
When I
cannot appreciate someone else’s success.
When I
dislike, distrust or discriminate.
I don't like
myself-
When
ambition takes over my dreams
When the
only way I can go up is by standing on someone's shoulder and trampling him down
When the
materialistic pleasures and the luxurious lives of achievers blinds my logic
and fills me with greed to grab what may not be mine.
When money
matters and heart doesn't.
When greed
matters and compassion doesn't.
When I
matter and others don't.
When nothing
matters.
In my quest
from being a human being to being human, I have lost track of the higher
purpose of my evolution. I have left my goodness behind and got ahead crushing
all that came my way. My heart has bloated with anger, greed and apathy. My
heart has shrunk of humaneness and love
I need to
find myself in this mayhem.
I need to
like myself all over again!
